When women in education burnout – when my body said ‘no’

“I’m sitting here with my coat and lanyard on, but I can’t seem to make myself walk out of the door.”

That was the Whatsapp message I sent to my line manager, Amy, one February morning in 2024. The morning my body finally said a very loud ‘no’. This is what happens when women in education burnout.

I thought I’d left the stress, exhaustion and burnout behind when I left teaching at the end of 2020, but it turned out that I was still struggling to cope in my new pastoral role.

Although I’d reclaimed plenty of time – leaving the building at 4pm instead of 6pm; waking up on a Saturday morning with no work looming over me; no longer feeling the need to get to work an hour early – somehow, the job still consumed me. I just could not seem to regulate my nervous system: I felt constantly ‘on’, always tired, and decision fatigue hung heavy. I’d return from work by 4.15pm, only to scroll on my phone for 2 hours before finally summoning the energy to get up and make dinner.

So that morning in February 2024 was a turning point.

I obviously hadn’t been listening to my body and it was ready to do something drastic to be heard. I’d had a really stressful day the day before – busy in the usual way but with some particularly tricky encounters with dysregulated students – and had ended up in tears in the HR office. And the next morning my body just wasn’t prepared to go out to battle again. I’d got dressed for work as normal and was ready to open the front door to leave…but froze.

I now look back and recognise that I probably was in chronic burnout.

Even as a teacher, there had been times where I felt broken – but only took 2 or 3 days off work. I soldiered on, martyring myself for the cause because I thought that’s just what teachers do. And then went straight into a pastoral role that demanded much more from me emotionally and psychologically. But, I somehow felt I could never ‘justify’ feeling burnout in this new role, because…well…look how tough teachers have it.

The thing is, if you’ve never worked in a school, you just won’t get it. It’s the constant stimulation – stimulation that simultaneously calls for your attention: a decision to be made, a student to help regulate, a bell to respond to, something to add to the to-do list. And something that I never learnt in my teacher training was how to regulate myself. So, I found my nervous system on high alert for at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and, other than doomscrolling, just did not know how to calm it. That’s what it really looks like when women in education burnout.

I had 2 days off work that week. And then went back and carried on. Nothing fixed, nothing improved. It felt impossible, to be honest, and I took it as a sign to move on. That’s when I started exploring how to become a Life Coach…

I sometimes look back and wonder if having the right support at the time would have helped me to stay. I now realise that what contributed to my burnout and overwhelm was my people-pleasing, my leaky boundaries, and this pressure I put on myself to be ‘that’ member of staff who always did everything right; who could always be relied upon; who overperformed. I now know how much of my identity I attached to my job – how I lost myself in it so had nothing left at the end of the day.

The truth is that for me, I was ready for something new. But for so many women in education who are currently wondering if they can keep it up, they just don’t have the capacity to even know what they want. Some of the women I speak to truly love their job but just can’t see how they can sustain it. Others have come to realise that it’s time for a change, but they have no idea to what.

And so that’s where the work begins – creating capacity. Finding the headspace to notice the blindspots, build resilience, and lift the fog on what it is that would truly make her happy.

If you’re ready to create some capacity, book a no-pressure virtual coffee with me to share what’s on your mind.